if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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