I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
