Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
