The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
