you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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