And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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