Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
