glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
