awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
