Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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