I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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