good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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