Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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