good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
