just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
