She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
