I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
