I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
