I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
