Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
