Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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