I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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