New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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