I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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