All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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