My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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