Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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