Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
