Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
