I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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