Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
