The maid of honor just puked.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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