Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
