Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
