dude i'm inner monologue high
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
