Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
