Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize