I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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