i already hear my dad disowning me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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