giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
