if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
