when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
