Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
