Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Houston, we have a squirter
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
