i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
