So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
