I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
