i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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