I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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