When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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