I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
