she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
