margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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