I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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