everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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