it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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