her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize