I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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