do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
