Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
