8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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